Trying Too Hard, Loving Too Little, and Expecting Too Much

The song by Tim McGraw, "Humble and Kind," has really hit me recently in the heartstrings. Maybe it's because my family and I went to Nashville a little over week ago, but I find myself relating to Country music these days. Although it seems paradox as my earlier post was all about metal and the benefits thereof, it's actually not far fetched as I grew up listening to Country music as well. Not to mention that it's also true I grew up in the country riding horses. At any rate, I think this song speaks to me so well because those two attributes - humility and kindness -  are the two that I've been struggling with the most in this particular season of life. It wasn't until I was lamenting to God in the shower the other day that He revealed three things about my character I had heard before, but never fully digested. The three characteristics revealed to me were that I was 

trying too hard.

In everything I do, I seek to be the best. I'm not just talking about being the best at what I do (i.e. being the best at my particular assignment or interest), but being the. best. At work, I want to be the employee with the highest production rate and the lowest error percentage. With regards to creativity, I want to be the best at writing books, creating visual art, and writing songs. In my family, I want to be the one who is always the kindest, most thoughtful, and even smartest person. With regards to the LSAT, I want to be the candidate who gets the highest score. I want to be accepted into the best law school. And on. And on. And on. 

Why is this important?

While all of the aforementioned desires to be the best at are true, this revelation about myself was particularly important because, at the time, I was lamenting to God about a breakthrough in a relationship. More than anything, I wanted to be the woman that won this particular man's heart. I wanted to be the best at proving to him that I can be the woman he's been searching for. I can cook. I can clean. I can be responsible. And witty. And intelligent. And a joy to be around. I can be the One. 

What did I learn from this experience?

While this experience isn't over yet, I'm learning now that God sees me as the best. He sees me as the best not because of anything that I've done or have yet to do, but He sees me as the best because I'm His daughter. He uniquely created me. I'm unlike anyone else, and because of that, I am the best.

What can you learn from my experience?

God doesn't love His children equally. That's right, I said it. Read it again: God doesn't love His children equally. He loves them uniquely. This is something I'm learning from Lisa Bevere's devotionals from her book, "Without Rival." Because God fashioned you uniquely - how you look, dress, act, speak, even how your heart functions (both physically and proverbially) - God doesn't love you like He loves your spouse. Or your child. Or your best friend. God loves you like He loves you. And He loves your spouse, your child, and your best friend like He loves them.

The next characteristic God highlighted to me was that I was 

loving too little.
It's always hard for me to admit the fact that I don't love like I should. I can see that I don't show love to those around me when I ignore them, act catty with them, or don't ask them about their overall wellbeing. I can see how I don't love myself when I beat myself up over my shortcomings, like how much I weigh and the fact that I'm not doing anything to change that. I can see though, how much different my love for God is. It's so easy to love Him. He's so faithful, so true. Just. except...

When I don't love other people, I am not loving God.  

Why is this important?

Jesus says over and over in HIs word how important loving other people is. According to Him, the world will know we are Christians by how well we love other people. When we aren't loving Him, we aren't loving others because God is love. Love isn't something God does. Love is who God is.

What did I learn from this experience?

Simply: loving too little will make you feel alone. Last night, I cried all over my sweet friend Elizabeth's shirt because I felt completely alone and isolated from any community. My fear-filled words were: "I'm afraid I'm going to die alone." 

Having her loving arms physically hold me together while she prayed over me and spoke the truth of how beautiful and deep God thinks I am, was the most loving gesture I've received from Heaven in a very long time. I can't wait to pass that on.

What can you learn from my experience?

Loving too little will isolate you faster than being stranded on a desert island. Don't let the enemy trick you into thinking that your relationship with God and your intimate, quiet, alone times with the Lord are enough to sustain you. Yes, it is true that God is good and that His grace is sufficient. It is also true that His strength is made perfect in your weakness. It is even more true that He is always with you and He promises never to forsake you. But, do not forget that it is just as true that God did not create us to live life alone. If you have a community, embrace the people in it. If you're looking for a community, be specific in asking God what kind of community your heart desires. I promise He'll answer your prayer.

The third and final characteristic God revealed about myself was that I was

expecting too much.
Similar to loving too little, expecting too much will also isolate you faster than being stranded on a desert island. In this particular lament, I was complaining to God about how I felt like I wasn't being pursued in the right way by a man. When God made me aware of the fact that I was expecting too much, it was as if He was communicating to me, "you cannot hold other people to standards only I can fulfill."  This doesn't just apply to men, but to all we surround ourselves with.

Why is this important?

Simply: people aren't big enough to fill the God-sized holes in our hearts. They just aren't and they never will be. Just as we hold others to unrealistic expectations, it is also true that we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations as well. To that, I will say the same: You (I) are (am) not big enough to fill the God-sized hole in your (in my) heart. You (I'm) just aren't (not) and you (I) never will be. We can only let the rope go so far. It has to end at some point.

What did I learn from this experience?

It's not fair nor is it wise to expect the world from a person. After all, God is the Creator of the Universe - not my man or any man.

What can you learn from my experience?

Grace, grace, and more grace. If we are to love and live like Jesus does and did, we have to clothe ourselves in humility and count others as more significant than ourselves. We have to raise others up so we can be raised up with Jesus at the proper time. 

It is our responsibility to walk around as an open Heaven everywhere we go.

I encourage you all to listen to the song, "Humble and Kind," by Tim McGraw, and really listen to it. Sit back with your eyes closed and breathe it in. If you're a visual receiver like I am, below are the lyrics.

Be blessed and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

You know there's a lot that goes by the front door
Don't forget the keys under the mat
Childhood stars shine, always stay humble and kind
Go to church 'cause your momma says to
Visit grandpa every chance that you can
It won't be a waste of time
Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door say please say thank you
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got moutains to climb but
Always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride but
Always stay humble and kind

Don't expect a free ride from no one
Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why
Bitterness keeps you from flying
Always stay humble and kind
Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
I love you ain't no pick up line so
Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door say please say thank you
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got moutains to climb but
Always stay humble and kind
When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride but
Always stay humble and kind

When it's hot, eat a root beer, a popsicle
Shut off the AC and roll the windows down
Let that summer sun shine
Always stay humble and kind
Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're goin'
Don't forget turn back around
Help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind